His Successful Determination

Romans 7:18-20: I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

After living enough life for eight lifetimes, it’s amazing I’m still here. Can I get an amen? The question now is, why? For what purpose does God keep me around His green earth? I’ve certainly done enough living for myself. So now, what can I do for Him?

It’s safe to say that left to my own devices, I make the wrong decision nearly every time. So how is it now that I can be so content, not relying on drugs or alcohol to numb out the pain in my life? There is still pain in my life, but there is an abundant joy now too that I found waiting behind the curtain of my own shadow. That joy is the grace of God and the love known as Jesus Christ!

All my life I would think that it was me who had to find God and come to Him to be completely free, and I would from time to time. When it suited my needs or I was down and out enough to cry out to him as I wallowed in my own pity. I know now that He was there the whole time waiting for me. Once I opened my eyes and heart to the real world, in which we all live, it was brilliantly easy to see. It was never me holding on to the hand of God, struggling to keep Him present in my life. The reality is that God was holding me up by my bootstraps all along. Let me try to paint the picture that God has impressed on my heart tonight:

This world is His world. Our daily struggles and trials are meant to be shared with Him, as we lean on Him. Every decision we make should not be made alone. I can attest to the authenticity that most people don’t make good decisions on their own. Of course there are the few, the proud, the unfortunate. Life comes easy to this select few and they think that they don’t need God to succeed. My heart goes out to them because an effortless life may feel like a triumph over the world but believe me, there is no victory without love.

We will all know the bitter sting of life’s end. What will we stand for in the days before our voices are lost to the wind of time? Do we stand for our own sacrifices, determination, and successes, or do we take a stand with the One, who’s successful determination accounted for His own sacrifice? We are not of this world that was created for us from the hands of a loving God. We are connected to His hands as He guides us through our given days with love.

I will rest my head tonight whispering gratitude and praise to the Most High and I will rise tomorrow doing the same. He will fulfill His promise in granting me wisdom to decide what paths to choose, as long as I lean on Him for understanding. Whatever comes my way through the minutes, hours, and days to come, I will know that God is holding me up so I can walk with Him… toward the light.

Galatians 5:16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Army of the One

Psalm 3:3. But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
Ephesians 6:16, In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Standing on a damp, grassy hill staring down at the blood-soaked battle field, fear does not accompany me. With early dawn’s dew hanging on leaves of the surrounding oak trees, my heart is filled with solace. The red and orange sky offer gentle illumination to the path God has layed out before me on this day. Deep, slow breathes confirm my readiness. My hands are steady, my mind is clear, and my eyes are locked on target. A cool, damp, breeze pushes on my back like a mothering bird pushing it’s ready young from the nest. The time has now come.
The first step forward is always the hardest, but I do it with learned patience and forced preparation. My awkward forward momentum, resembling a fawn at first trot, breaks way to a gallop that matches the beating of my own heart in my ears. Excited to join the action I stood calculating from above, I run faster. Wind caresses my naked cheeks and runs its gentle fingers through my hair. Exploding battle cries erupt from my lungs. My boots collide with the hard ground sounding like a Clydesdale horse exploring his land.
I smash head first into the open battle. The smell of sweat and fear are all around me. Engulfed in the madness, I nearly forget what I came to fight for. There is no sword in my hand. I am wearing no armor. Realization sets in; I carry all I will ever need for my protection and safety from everything I can and can not see. I raise my right arm to deflect a coming blow from a would-be assassin, armed with hatred and cruel intentions. His commitment is shattered against the scutum that has now become a part of my flesh.
Standing tall, I hold up the divine shield for all to see. Rays from the morning star reflect off the armor. My enemies are blinded as I effortlessly begin walking through the delirium around me, along the path God has layed out before me on this day. Armed only with a shield, I step forward with learned patience and forced preperation. His shield protects me from all I can and can not see. I am a soldier of God.

2 Samuel 22:3, God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior from violent men you save me.
2 Samuel 22:36, You give me your shield of victory; you stoop down to make me great.

Time to Rise

Deuteronomy 4:32-34, Has any other people heard the voice of God speaking out of fire, as you have, and lived?
Hebrews 12:28-29, For our “God is a consuming fire.”

Resting in the dark stillness of pre-dawn morning, my mind drifts over fond memories of a fading youthful innocence. My soul awakes before my body fully can. I allow thoughts to wander through my heavy head which sinks into the aged down pillow. Recollection of a time not too far past creeps in. I was such a good kid. Christian summer camps, youth retreats, reading books instead of watching too much television… where did that kid go? If he once existed, can he live again? Somewhere within this jaded man who has been hurt by the world he chose to walk in lies dormant a bright eyed boy with neatly parted brown hair. Through the tattoos and scars, innocence is waiting for its resurrection like a phoenix from its own ashes. Before my alarm clock can separate the day from peaceful night, I reach in and lock eyes with that boy I once was. Determined to hold on to that internal flame, I see the fire inside him that sparked the glimmer which overtook his pupils. The fire inside was the Holy Spirit, the innocence within was the love of Christ, and the calmness which resided within ever fiber of his being was the grace of God. There was no need to hear the buzzing of an alarm clock this morning. I am truly awake with grace, love, and fire inside.

Psalm 139:17-18, How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

Inspired by:

Romans 5:3-5, And not only is that true, but we are very happy in our troubles, because we know that trouble makes us stronger. When we are strong to take trouble, we prove that we believe. When we prove that we believe, we have hope. We will not be disappointed by this hope. God has given us the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit has put God’s love in our hearts.

Inspiration has always come easy to me. Maybe I should state that I have always been open to inspiration. Hallmark commercials can inspire me to write poetry, a good movie can lead me to make life changing choices, or a moving song can cause me to start writting a blog for Christ. Such as it is, I am greatful for the many ways that God influences and inspires me, every day.

One of my greatest inspirations is my wife and baby girl. The way they look at me charges me to do things I would never do on my own. I’m driven by the spark they light with in my heart to be a stronger and more focused man. When I was on the cusp of my sobriety, God placed Aimee into my life to help me right the boat. He may have given us our daughter as a gift for staying the course, but I try not pretend to know why God does what He does. I’m just greatful for the things He gives, and try to be understanding for the things He takes away.

The greatest inpirer of all time is Jesus Christ. Obviously, right? Jesus was put down, called a liar and a fraud, He was betrayed by His friends, and even His own family didn’t believe He was who He said He was (at first), yet He always rose above with love. He chose to look beyond the action and poor choices of people to see the pureness within them. Even if the goodness was but a speck of sand with in a desert storm, Christ could see it and spoke to that part of people. The inspiration of the Messiah can ignight that speck of sand within us all, into a beacon of hope for others to be drawn to.

I pray that I may be a beacon for the Lord. May He use me to inspire, even those who He uses to inspire me. Giving thanks to Christ for His direction and love, I feel truley inspired by the Holy Spirit and the grace of God. Amen

Shine On

Bright shining Morning Star
How glorious you are
You illuminate the darkness
And make my heart whole

Jesus, I’m so in Awe
Of every place you’ve taken me
Of everything I saw
You were always there to remind me

Of all the beauty behind the veil
Lord, You never fail
To amaze my glossy eyes
And mystify my mind

Saturated in your love
My hands go high above
To the sky in holy praise
Until the very end of days

I want to be a shining light
Filled only with your grace
Keeping strong in your word
And forever keeping pace

With the way you showed love
So humble, pure, and true
I will always stand tall
As I permanently stand for you, Lord Jesus!

Chad Phillippi

The Sands of Rhyme

In an hour-glass of time
Each grain of sand lends a rhyme
As they pile upon one another
And they accumulate forever

One piece of brown sand at a time
But by and by
Without understanding the why
The specks of dust pile up against us

More of a friend than a foe
Because through the sand we know
All the patience it takes to watch them
And hum along to their tune

Hour after hour and day after day
With an open heart we hear Him say
Keep the sand in your toes
And the poetry of laughter on the wind of time

Chad Phillippi

No Locked Doors

My bare back rests against soft flannel sheets that fit snugly over a fluffy pillow-top mattress. Embraced by the darkness, I am alone with the thoughts that challenge much needed sleep and welcomed dreams. The temperature under my down comforter invites a coma like state, but I just can’t seem to achieve it with the swimming pool of “what to do’s,” and, “what I haven’t done’s,” floating past my closed eyes lids. No amount of dancing sheep can save me from the numbers on my glowing alarm clock that rapidly increase against my will. I imagine the clock is a bomb that will detonate once it reaches 08:00. The distraction does not help me to drift away to a dream land in which I can save the day any faster though, so I let it drift into the night that still holds me awake. Anxiety builds within my chest as I begin to pray for a release from my own mind. A prison that I must come to terms with. It is more secure than Alcatraz, better protected than any military installation, and I can never escape, alone.

Instantly I feel the calming presence of the Lord around me, the swimming thoughts and memories sink as His hands lift me up from the depths of my despair and solitude. I begin offering up pieces of myself that would otherwise also weigh me down. Instead of asking the Father to take certain things from me, such as the desire to drink or smoke cigarettes, I offer them to Him. I then ask Christ to fill the void with His peace and His presence. A list of every hurtful desire arises within my brain until I nearly call out to Him in the night without humiliation or shame. Spilling over each downfall I hold on to somewhere within myself, I give them one by one to God almighty. I see myself as if looking down from my bedroom ceiling. My warm body looks like Swiss cheese, but I still give more. The Lord openly takes my guilt, pain, shame, pride, humiliation, neglect, and self-indulgence. He begins to fill me up with Himself. Seeing it with my minds eye, it is still hard to believe, but I see it! The many holes within me are filling up, being replace by the One who holds all the keys and the One who opens all doors.

Waking the next morning, I try figuring out what time I must have finally drifted off to sleep. It does not matter though as I feel more rested and more awake and more alive than I have felt in years. Crawling out from under the heavy covers and off my soft mattress, I fall to my knees on the cold floor. I give thanks and praise to the One who freed me from my prison. A voice is present, not in my ears, but with in my heart. Feeling its presence and touching its words, it speaks to my very soul. “I am always with you and through Me you are free.”

Romans 6:14, Sin is no longer your master, for you are no longer subject to the law, which enslaves you to sin. Instead, you are free by God’s grace.

True to Thee

Matthew 5:45, In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too.

Rain pours down outside my bedroom window. It’s one O’clock on the dot and as I sit in the soft glow of the low lighting that surrounds me, I listen to the hum in the air. All is calm within and around me; I’m safe within my sanctuary of solace. The dismal storm that raps against my double pain window reminds me of times not too long ago- times of despair, walking the wet asphalt alone at night drunker than any ten men should be. But the rain tonight is cleansing as it pours down, unable to penetrate my domain. There is a storm outside my window, but tonight, I am dry, and I am not alone.

Staring at the coin my wife bought me when I hit six months of sobriety, I read the words beveled under my thumb, “To Thy Self, Be True”. As my life is not my own, but His, I feel that I must be true to myself, by being true to Him. I am no longer the man that walks the wet streets of downtown Portland after closing time, wandering and stumbling in search of somewhere to pass out. Dishonesty with myself told me that I was okay. Now, holding tight to the cold metal coin in my palm, how could I have ever thought that was “normal” behavior?

I’m in the eye of a new storm. One that has awakened my soul. The wind that howls around me penetrates every atom that I am made up of. That force is the Lord. Rain drenches my clothes and soaks my skin. That moisture is every tear I cried that Christ still holds in His hands, released upon me to remind me of where I’ve been. Coldness strikes my bones, allowing me to remember the warmth of His embrace. This is the cradle of His love. A truth is found in the eye of His hurricane. If I’m still, I can hear it. More than that, I can feel it calling to me, this truth. It says, “To Thy Self, Be True”.

In knowing you my Lord, let me find my true self. I praise you for weathering the storm with me. Your Holy Spirit reminds me tonight, that I am not alone. Amen!

Luke 22:28, For you have remained true to me in my time of trial.

His Love, My Passion

2 Corinthians 13:13, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

There is a part of me that loves customer service and sales because I love being able to make people happy. I would not say that I love to work, so much as I love performing actions that lead to an end result. The end result is always love in one form or another. If I sell someone a product that will enrich their lives and brings them happiness, I have manifested love. That is a job I can find passion in.

Passion is what actually drives anyone to do anything. Going to work just to make a paycheck is an excuse, and a bad one at that. The truth is, there is a passion behind the need to make that pay check. Whether it is to provide for your family or to simply buy things to impress the world around us, there is still passion there. And the passion is love or the need to feel loved. One example could be: Your data entry employee, who loves his or her job, does not actually get a warm-fuzzy feeling from plugging numbers for eight hours a day. The passion is in the end result that gets them acknowledged for a job well done (love), and earns a wage to take to the bank in order to provide a future for his or her children (again, love).

It brings me so much pleasure to show my wife love and affection. There is nothing I would not do to make her happy. Aimee is the cheese to my macaroni and God is the butter and milk that binds us together. The passion that drives our relationship is love. As God is love, may I recognize that it is His passion in all that I do.

John 2:17, Then His disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: “Passion for God’s house burns within me.”

The Fork in the Road

Psalms 25:4, Show me the path where I should walk, O LORD; point out the right road for me to follow.

There is a very real difference between knowing the path of Christ and walking it. Growing up going to church, I knew exactly what was expected of me as a child of God. Instead I decided to pave my own roads; make my own way in this life. The concrete I poured was never mixed properly and would crack under the intense summer sun. Breaking my back to construct the road beneath my own feet, I had put myself in a situation in which I could not raise my head to see where I was going. My future was always uncertain and dark, because my eyes could not focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew the right path, but instead chose my own way through a world that I do not truly belong to.

Finally, I grew tired of attempting to make my own way on the highway of choice and misdirection. I pulled over to a safe shoulder and lowered my grip on the dark future I was headed toward. Praying to the Lord I had forgotten, but who had thankfully not forgotten me, I surrendered my wayward navigational techniques. Tossing aside my hard hat and construction uniform, Christ has taken over manufacturing and illuminating the path unto my feet.

Jesus has a plan for me and I acknowledge His direction and praise His hand that holds the only compass pointing true North. My pride caused me to stumble and I can see that now, as I look back down the professionally crafted road He carries me on. He is the God who gives, and the God who takes away. Christ allowed me to try it my way, so I could know there is only ONE way, HIS way.

I could still be breaking my back today, attempting to make my own way in this world. I am grateful for the courage He fills me with… to trust Him and let go.

Psalms 119:35, Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.