Brotherly Love

Romans 12:10, Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.

My only brother Steve has always been one of my greatest heroes. Looking up to him since I can remember, there aren’t many people that hold a candle to him in my eyes. Steve took care of me when I was young. We were raised by a single mother for years and being latch key kids in the ’80’s, we definitely depended on each other a lot. He would ride me on the back of his banana seat seat bike to and from school, get me snacks, and watch over me until my mom got home. We often had babysitters or neighbors watch us, it’s not like we were completely without supervision or anything, but even when they weren’t looking, Steve always was. Today my brother is the husband and father I hope to be one day. He loves his family unconditionally and supports their joint ‘vision’ with honor, respect, and dignity. I think for Christmas this year, he may be getting a cape under the tree, from his little brother who still sees him as a hero.

Never would the thought cross my mind make fun of my brother, Steve. Judging him is not something I could do. My heart is filled with so much love, that when I hear Steve’s voice, see pictures of his family, or embrace him with a hug after a few weeks apart, I’m filled with joy. Some of my best memories are laughing and joking with Steve, there aren’t many funnier people in the world. When my brother is in a bad mood, I ask him what’s wrong and listen. If he is sad, I am sad with him as it’s easy for me to hold space for someone I care about so much.

I believe in Adam and Eve, Eden, and the creation. It is truth to me because it is in the Bible and I take the book at face value. At one time in my life I thought that most of the books of the Bible were filled with stories to help guide us along the way; tales with codes to crack in order to live a clean and holy life. I know that the chronicles documenting Jesus’ life are not just stories to help me be a better man, although they do offer that too. Looking at my leather bound Word of God, today I understand that if I believe Jesus is the Messiah, because the Bible tells me so, then I have to accept all of it as gospel. So, this being true, the light, and the way, God tells us that He in fact created Adam and Eve in His own image. God molded Adam from dirt before breathing into his lungs. He created Eve from Adam’s rib. Their children completed the circle of life as we all are now the children of God. He is our Father. In this actuality, you are all my brothers and sisters, in Christ.

You are all my brothers and sisters, in Him. I pray that I remember to come from grace when you are troubled. May I share in your sorrow and laughter, honoring our Father. Amen.

2Peter 1:5-8, Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

Because He Truly Loves Us

Standing before the overgrown vegetation of my morning meditation spot, I strongly feel the presence of God. The outdoors allows me to connect easily to Him-more so than with a yoga mat under me, trickling water in the background, and dim lighting to set a ‘tranquil’ mood. A humble mix of silence with a splash of natural sounds is more than adequate. Like a sweet voice on the wind, He sings to me of love.

Yesterday, as I became lost in the wash of adoration for my heavenly Father, a truth was snatched up by my mind: It takes all I am to comprehend and know the Lord. To understand His love and grace, I have to use every fiber in me. And in all God’s glory, all He is in His majesty and power, He truly wants to know US. How humbling! The creator of the heavens and earth, the One who gave us lungs to breathe and air to do so, wants a relationship with us. He loves us so much that He gave His son to die so that we may know Him personally. I’m so grateful for the meditation space He gave me. It allows me another way to come face to face with with my Father, embrace Him, and whisper back in His ear, “I love you too”.

Proverbs 4:18, The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Happy Place

Job 22:26, Surely then you will find delight in the Almighty and will lift up your face to God.

When fear grips me and pulls me down to a place of slow return, I close my eyes and feel the presence of the Lord. It feels amazing to trust Him with every stress that may be in front of me or smothering me. If worry clouds my path or my judgment, pausing to check in with my Father is the best decision I can make. When I feel the pressure creeping past the tangled knots in my shoulders to the point that I fall on my bed crying out, “God, please!”, He takes it from me. Crawling into His giant hand like the young soul I truly am, I find comfort from the short-lived tension. Through Him, I can see the irrelevance and understand that I admittedly or not, create it myself. The act of letting go, for me, isn’t dwelling on the point of stress in His presence; I don’t cry to Him about all the suffering that I’m going through. Simply, I clear my mind of all that weighs me down. Being held by the mighty hand of God is to rest and feel peace. Allowing anything and everything except His grace to dissapate from my mind, I’m filled with His love.

Proverbs 18:10, The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

Innocence

1 Corinthians 14:20, Be innocent as babies when it comes to evil, but be mature and wise in understanding matters of this kind.

Deep down, I long to be innocent in for Him. After becoming an experimental kid in high school, a self-destructive guy throughout my military career, and then embracing my black-out drinking for another five years, it’s liberating to cleanse my soul during the time I have remaining. At 15 years old, I wanted to be noticed and understood, yet feel some detachment from the norm. It was all too easy to escape my own mind with drugs and alcohol. Turning 21 in Vegas and being enlisted in the Air Force, I was expected to party to release steam. Our motto was, “work hard, play hard!” For most of us, this was the first time we lived out of state from our parents; it was like, Lord of the Flies. By the grace of God, I received an honorable discharge from the Air Force. I returned home to Portland a few weeks after the towers fell in NY City. Depressed over my solitude, my failed marriage, and my lack of employment opportunities in the airline field, I took comfort in the bottle.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that left to my own devices I’m a pretty dangerous person to myself and occasionally others. I once owned a t-shirt that read, “Attitudes are Contagious, Mine Just Might Kill You”. Looking back at the dark humor, I am now able to comprehend just how sad the old truth really was. For too many years, I was without the innocence that today I crave like water on a salted pallet.

“I want to be innocent to be closer to the Lord,” is my mantra this month. It keeps me focused, honest, and more pure. Keeping it close to my heart and ready on my tongue has saved me from making some bad decisions lately. Holding space with God in order to bring Him glory and serve Him is the sum of my existence. I cannot hold space with Christ when I am drinking, smoking pot, stealing, lying, cheating, etc. Anytime my integrity wavers, I think, “I want to be innocent to be closer to the Lord.” It allows me time to pause long enough to keep grace close at hand.

Philippians 2:15, You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God in a dark world full of crooked and perverse people. Let your lives shine brightly before them.

God’s Peace

Psalm 4:8, In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

Stumbling in the darkness, I find an old wooden door. Sliding my hand down its rough skin, I locate the cold knob. Turning the brass handle is a chore that tells me no one has been here for some time. The door pops on its hinges as the pressure on the latch gives way. Creaking like an angry stray cat, the door is open enough for me to walk out of the black air that surrounds me into more of the unknown. Flickering candles attached high on the walls, make visible a stone stair corridor before my bare feet. Although I try, I can’t begin to imagine where the gray stairs lead. Anywhere is better than the darkness behind me. Pressing on, I apply those words for my mantra. A musty gust of air hits my nostrils while my feet hit the cold stone; I take the first couple of steps with fear in my heart. The wet air is cold but refreshing on my bare legs, arms, and feet. My cut-off shorts and t-shirt hold little protection from the sudden and frequent whips of wind that pass around me and through my hair. Perhaps, I left the door open behind me?

The solid rock corridor and windy stairs hold an unexpected security that keeps me moving forward. Just past the last curve ahead, I can begin to make out another door. In my excitement and curiosity, I begin to take quicker steps. I hold out my arms, touching the walls with my finger tips for balance. This door is different than the one I originally came through. It looks brand new. Was this someone’s secret lair? Imagination takes over my mind. I begin to envision men plotting the worlds destruction, witches in black cloaks and wart covered noses casting spells over a steaming cauldron, and, and… I turn the handle.

Light bellows past me invading my candlelight surroundings. Taking a step back to allow the door to fully open, I am in awe of what now lay before my wide eyes. The warmth and the light draw me in like an infant to its mother’s bosom. Not knowing if my eyes are closed or open, not realizing if my feet are touching the ground, and not remembering taking a step into the room of radiance, I find myself floating in the greatest peace I have ever encountered. All worry, stress, pain, distrust, self-consciousness, doubt, fear, and loss are no longer comprehendable. Love surrounds me and embraces me as I become love. Aware of a presence, with my heart, I say “hello”.

“1, 2, 3, you’re drifting away. 4, 5, 6, you’re becoming aware of your clothes and the leather sofa you lay on. 7, 8,9, you feel the temperature of the room and blanket on your chest as you… 10, wake up.” The voice og my hypnotherapist, Brian, is gentle, soothing, and warm. My eyes open to his auspicious smile and therapeutic green eyes.

“Brian, what are you doing?” I ask, “I was right there!”

“The place I led you to is a place you can return to anytime you like, Chad. You went on a journey within yourself to find your place of power and strength. Some people see an animal. Native Americans would call this a journey to find their ‘Power Animal’. Tell me what it was that you experienced. Did you find your ‘Power Animal’? He takes up pen and paper, crosses his legs, and leans forward to let me know he’s truly interested in my response.

Explaining every last detail of the journey down the stone stairway to the opening of the door, I said, “And then I touched the hand of God. I lay quiet and still in His presence, Brian, and I felt peace. Light was all around me as I became enmeshed with the light. I felt the peace of the Lord!” I could barely contain myself as the tears ran down my face.” I wanna go back there, Brian!”

“You can Chad, now that you’ve been there. Getting back is easy. It’s with you now. All you have to do anytime you’re feeling scared or need Him, is open that door. You take it with you from this point on. You no longer need alcohol to turn to when you can’t deal with your problems. You don’t have to get drunk to escape. You have the door in your heart that you can open and find your strength, power, and peace.” He gently explained.

“My strength, power, and peace come from God. I was in His hands.” I said, giving witness.

I went to hypnotherapy a year ago today. Wanting to quit drinking once and for all, I found the peace of the Lord. He fills me with hope, strength, self-control, love and peace. The door in my heart is still with me. I just always leave it open now.

John 14:27, I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

Through

I’m letting go of darker times
In hopes of grabbing some bright days
I’m searchin’ my ways

Releasin’ what does not serve me
I hold what serves me well
I climb out of this hell
And break the shell
I was once trapped in

Done with the chains
The odd and hurtful ways
I can no longer take feeling pinned
The escape I thought was a lie
The hollowness in my gut
Cries a long needed goodbye

The dust has settled around me
The gloom and fog have past
The hold on my heart wont last
I’m free
Free to see what the future will hold with out it

I stand with Christ as I’m on my own two now
Like I always should have been
Kickin’ the habit and its ties
A test I have now passed
I’m truly through

Through the pain and over the past
My heart is lifted
The memories have drifted
It’s true
I’m through
And now I’m free
Content with me
By the grace of He
I can say goodbye to my old ways
And the lonesome days that once trapped me
Sobriety in the good Lord has saved thee

Chad Phillippi

Love is all You Need

1 Corinthians 13:4-13, Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear. It’s like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now. There are three things that will endure—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

The letters to the Corinthian people are an amazing read for me. Paul was such an inspirational author, man, and Christian; his letters are probably my favorites. I love this chapter of 1 Corinthians particularly because I absolutely love, love. Very bohemian in my emotions, I love cuddling with my wife, playing with her soft hair, and getting lost in her eyes as I give her words of poetry that I pull from the air. More than anything though, I love
Christ. To think about the sacrifice and love that Jesus has for me brings tears to my eyes. When I speak the flow of emotion and love that I feel for God, it’s hard to not get choked up. 13:13 of 1Corintians encompasses my joy in Him. After all, God is Love.

1 John 4:16, We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in Him. God is love, and all who love live in God, and God lives in them.

The Books and the People

Matthew 4:4, But Jesus told him, “No! The scriptures say, ‘People need more than bread for their life; they must feed on every word of God’.”

My dad always told me that I am the books I read and the people I associate with. Twenty years after the first time he shared that fact, I personally know it to be true. Parents and elders feed the minds of children with bits of information like this to help them and to make it an easier journey in an already challenging world. If only I were the type of person to take advice. Needing to learn lessons the hard way, I’m finally on that same page with my papa.

Attending Mill Park Baptist Church until the end of my sophomore year of high school, I was a pretty innocent kid then. All my friends met me there every Wednesday night, Sunday morning, and again Sunday night. We did a lot in the community and with each other after church. Most of us came for bible studies on Thursday nights and choir practice on Saturday. I read my Bible often and was in love with life and Jesus.

Getting mixed up with the wrong crowd when I was 15 changed everything. At first I tried to bring them to church with me. Instead they brought me down as we smoked pot, drank alcohol, and smoked cigarettes. I eventually stopped going to services at Mill Park and began hanging out with my new friends even more than I attended school. The words of my father dulled out in the back of my head as the rough lesson began.

At 20, I joined the Air Force to get away from Portland, my friends, my life, and the downward spiral I was flushing my hopes and dreams down. I sobered up in basic training. Shaving all my hair down did more than just take some weight off. It really gave me a sense of mission and direction. Everything was looking upward and I was moving onward until receiving my first duty assignment. I had no idea then that I would never be offered another base location.

My drill instructor lined up our Q-Tip looking heads from tallest to shortest in front of our barracks one January morning in San Antonio, TX. Calling out names with a base bravado, he handed out the assignments on white, 3×5 index cards. SSgt Yacky stood 6′2″, had piercing wolf like gray/blue eyes, and a way to look into your heart to find your fear. My fear was SSgt Yacky. His starched uniform had creases that you could shave your face with using the spit shined, mirror like, black boots on his feet. “Phillippi!” he sang out with low forceful vibrations that penetrated my very soul. I walked to the front of the formation to collect my fate. With my hand extended, I looked up from his chest making direct eye contact with wolf-man. I quickly looked away and then down to the index card that I now held with a shaky, sweaty hand. ‘PHILLIPPI: NELLIS AF BASE, LAS VEGAS, NV’, is all it read. He gave me a easy smile and a wink and said through coffee stained teeth, “Have fun kid.” It was the first time he showed any form of humanity in the seven weeks I knew him. Niether of us realized it at the moment, but the card he handed me held a near death sentence I would soon face.

Looking back on my time spent in Texas, Florida, and Nevada, I can see the life I lived was a direct result of the people I chose to associate with. Not once in six years did I attend a worship service, participate in a Bible study, or read the Bible on my own. I partied too much and lived too hard; I was without grace.

Today I am a different man. After hitting my rock-bottom, I crawled out to find a Godly world of love, sacrifice, and completeness as the Lord teaches me to be healthy, happy, and holy. Last Sunday, on my way home from church, I realized a hunger within me I hadn’t heard growl for some time. It was a hunger for the Word of God. After dinner my wife and I read scripture to each other and spent time with Jesus on our own. Aimee took a bath and read, Falling in Love with Jesus as I wrote poetry of His beauty. It completely filled and fulfilled me to be surrounded by Godly people that day, to get fed by the Word of the Lord, and to sit in His presence for as long as I could. If I am the people I associate with and the books that I read, I want to be an innocent, Godly man of grace reading His Word, surrounded by His people, doing His will.

1Peter 2:8, And the Scriptures also say, “He is the stone that makes people stumble, the rock that will make them fall.” They stumble because they do not listen to God’s Word or obey it, and so they meet the fate that has been planned for them.

Now is Not Too Late

Matthew 25: Parable of the Ten Bridesmaids
1“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten bridesmaids who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 5The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. 6“At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ 7“Then all the bridesmaids woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’ 9” ‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’ 10“But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The bridesmaids who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was locked. 11“Later the others also came. ‘Lord! Lord!’ they said. ‘Open the door for us!’ 12“But he replied, ‘I tell you the truth, I don’t know you.’ 13“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Two fatal accidents slowed traffic on the rain covered asphalt that separated home and work. Early morning radio programming was interrupted to cover the horrible catastrophe. Praying for their souls, I felt the hand of God on my chest. I wept, safe in His presence. He held me as I danced, slow- quick- quick- slow, to the beat of the taillight tango. Side stepping through the intersections I kept one hand on the wheel and one to my face in closed promenade position. My Perfect Partner never misstepped. At that time, a recorded message of Louis Palau came on the radio interrupting the Air1 fund drive. He read Matthew 25 and spoke of turning to Jesus while we still can.

I realized then how easy it is to become victims to our daily lives. We pray for God to help us when we’re sick, broke, or hurt. What about praying for God to give us His grace so we may be able to serve Him day to day? We do not know when the final time will come. Jesus tells us in Matthew 24 that no one knows the final hour. Obviously, a lot of us are not going to see the miraculous second coming. For me, I have to put God first always and in all ways, in order to not wander from His grace. Stepping away from serving Christ, and shifting the focus on to myself, my life can go dark in an instant. When I begin to do for myself, taking each challenge in my life on alone, I do indeed fall short. Cracking open the door to my closet and allowing the Light to creep back in, I see the cobwebs that secure the fear and shame I can surround myself in. It’s only when the door is held open, that I am able to step out and walk by faith through a world I am not bound to, giving glory to our Father.

When the day comes that I find myself staring to the heavens, gasping for my last breath, I will be holding onto the hand of Jesus. My eyes will widen and my lips will curl up. I will exhale with finality singing the name of my Father. Ascending to His kingdom, I will know I served Him well.

Let us pray that the people who died today did not meet the Lord for the first time, this morning. Pray for the families in their time of pain. Give thanks to God for His love and the remaining days He provides us, to live for Him. Amen

Hosea 2:20, “I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord”

Willingly Waiting

My arms are raised to give glory
So in awe of your majesty
This heart beats only to praise you
Lord, please bless me with your mercy

Fill me with your Presence
While your light shows me the way
I hand each moment over to you, God
As you guide me through each day

There is no gain without knowledge
All knowledge comes from grace
I invoke the eyes of Jesus
To see His Spirit in this place

Longing to be innocent
As white and pure as snow
Praying only for His will, not mine
His Word will let me know

The bridges to cross
Which roads to take
The bends to avoid
And where to drive stakes

I set up camp in His space
Waiting for the time
That He’ll call on me to do His will
Through me He will shine

Chad Phillippi