Make Tomorrow, Today

Remembering back to when I first realized that I could not continue to live, if I continued to drink, the daily conversation drifts back to my mind, “I’ll quit tomorrow”. Of course tomorrow would come and once again tomorrow would seem like a much more plausible option for starting anew. “Today is Friday, I should really quit drinking on the weekend, when I’m away from work and my stresses,” I would manipulate myself into grabbing up an empty bar stool, one more night. The weekend would come and go. There were too many social events to quit, or one thing or another would keep me from following through with my commitment to change. “Maybe on Monday I’ll quit. Start my week off fresh and sober. I’ll be more focused at work, if I wait until Monday.” This went on for months. I’m lucky enough that God grew weary of the constant internal conversation I was having and decided to toss me down a ravine to snap me out of it. From there, there was no turning back.

Quitting smoking was and still is the hardest single thing I’ve ever attempted to do. At least I’m not alone. I have the support of my wife, family, friends, and even employees. Fear strikes my heart when I attempt to rationalize with myself, “Maybe I can smoke just one cigarette a day. Perhaps I can smoke when I’m at work, like 3 a day, and be okay.” Fear hits my heart because I’ve played this game with addiction before, and lost. Even though the challenge brings me to my best, I still allow space for my worst to linger in the back of my mind.

Push has come to shove and I stand now at the ridge of my own fate. A choice inside me must be made. When I entered into a sacred bond with my wife, I promised to honor her through good times and bad. I cannot say that smoking cigarettes brings any honor to our relationship. If it is breaking a vow that I made to her on the day I held her hand and promised God I would treasure our commitment forever, then may it be a burden I no longer hold space with.

I will not quit tomorrow, nor play that game within myself. I have already quit today, by the grace and strength of the Lord!

2 Corinthians 13:11, Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Rejoice. Change your ways. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of Love and peace will be with you.

The Root Cause

Ephesians 5:18, Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you.

With the ever worsening economy, we’ve been doing a lot of root cause analysis to determine how we can waste less, and save more, at work. My mind runs about 20 times faster than I can talk, so I began root causing my own life while I have been cutting costs during my shifts. Trying to get to the bottom line of why I used to drink, I used the “Why, Why, Why,” method. It played out (in my head) something like this:

I used to drink to get drunk. Why? So that I could relax. Why? Because I am a very anxious person. Why? Because I have social anxiety disorder. Ah, ha! There’s the why. See?

So, now that I’m medicated with 100 mg of Zoloft, why do I occasionally get triggered to drink alcohol? Because, like a kid needing an after school activity, I need distraction from my own mind in order to keep myself out of trouble. My wife works three over-night shifts a week, so in order to not drink I need a hobby. Welcome to, The Light of my Path.

Truth be told, I can not and do not stay sober by my own will and/or strength. God gives me the courage to drive straight home after a long day of work. He is my rock, my light, and my path. Christ is my program.

Romans 11:18, But you must be careful not to brag about being grafted in to replace the branches that were broken off. Remember, you are just a branch, not the root.

My Skin is not My Own

1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

My highly colorful and decorated skin, was bought and paid in full by the Lamb. My body is His temple, filled with the Holy Spirit. I forget myself at times though and revert back to the man who was owned by the bondage of an evil world. When my name was added to the Book of Life, I was bought and delivered to a world of freedom and grace. I am grateful to be a servant of the Lord, and even my many tattoos praise His Holy name!

I recently discovered, after a lot of trial and error, that I am allergic to wheat and dairy. Seeing it as God’s way of purifying my system, I quit eating sweets, fast-food, drinking alcohol (of course), and nearly everything in between. Surviving on nuts, cereal, fish, soup, soy protein, and rice pasta, I feel… pure; I feel hollow at times, but healthier than I ever have. Through trial and error, He has lead me to my best.

At my best, I am at my lowest point; as I believe all men are: on their knees, in prayer and fasting, praising the giver of body and soul. To this body He now owns and will make anew, may it serve Him through out the end of my days. May Your will be done in me, oh Lord. Amen!

Matthew 16:24-26, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul?

A Prideful Surrender

James 4:6, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

The Lord has been pressing the word pride into my mind for about a week or two now. Looking for topics to write on, I’ve been digging through scripture and other Christian based self-help books. I wait for an idea to rise from the ink or off the paper that ruffles under my dry fingertips. Situations in my day to day life give me pause and I ask myself, “Are you now being prideful by thinking someone owes you the same respect that you show them?” Is this the Lord raising the question within me?

What is pride? By definition, the deadly sin of pride is a feeling of self-respect and personal worth. Being prideful is when you dare to consider yourself of greater worth than another child of God. How can one boast of such a greatness? I’m guilty, and it shames me. I’ve gone so far as to pride myself on being humble. Now that’s true humility at work, wouldn’t you agree? Not by definition, that’s for sure.

What do I have that the Lord did not give me? Who am I that the Lord did not create? My possessions and my position are gifts from Him. The things I carry along with me: the ripe stench of pride, insecurity, doubt, fear, self-indulgence, and conceit, are all forms of dead weight I manifest. These things belong to the world and I release them, to leave them in this world. Because as a child of The Light, I am not of this world.

With a truly humble heart, I thank Christ for His lessons, His message, and His way. I am not proud, but grateful, to be His son and student.

1 John 2:16, For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world.

It’s a Thin Line

Matthew 7:13, You can enter God’s kingdom only through the narrow gate.  The highway to destruction is broad, and it’s gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way.

Like a static trapeze artist walking the tight rope which holds his fate under his weight, such is the path to righteousness.  The acrobat must be skilled in the ways of the path in order to make it safely from one end to the other.  Balance is key, as it is in all things.  In my experience, I must balance my life of sobriety, with my commitment to work, as with my duty to my loving wife, all the while giving myself over to the will and ways of the Lord.

If the tight rope artist wavers along his quest, He will fall.  There is no shortcut and there is no detour.  Once you take your eyes off your mark, you fail.  Fortunately Jesus Christ is our safety net; He is always there to catch us.  But we cannot use this knowledge as a crutch.  Testing the nets integrity time and time again causes it to wear out.  Eventually the strong hold will allow you to hit the hard bottom.  From there, you must climb back up the ropes to the begin again.

There is only one way to salvation.  That way is Jesus Christ.  He died for the sins of this world and has an extended hand offering guidance, balance, and security along the narrow path.  We must not waiver, allowing our eyes to drift from our goal.  For me, I’ve learned what the hard bottom feels like enough times to finally stop testing the integrity of His net

Matthew 7:14, But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it.

Taking the Opportunity

Colossians 4:5, Live wisely among those who are not Christians, and make the most of every opportunity.

An annoying alarm buzzer blares in my left ear beckoning me to rise and start a new day.  With one sleep crusted eye open, I set the snooze bar for five more minutes.  Ah, “glorious sleep,” I whisper to the cold air biting at my nose.  As a self-generating furnace of heat, and with a down comforter weighing heavy on my back, I’m kept locked in a state of solace and unwavering rest.  “Just five more minutes,” I negotiate aloud with the buzzing keeper of dreams and the monumental tranquility of sleep.

Getting ready for work, I dread the day.  I know what it is I have to look forward to and it’s always right there.  Every day is exactly the same.  Going through my morning ritual of grooming, eating breakfast, making my lunch to go, and thankfully kissing my wife goodbye, I sigh.  It’s all so mundane sometimes.

Clocking in at work, a pang hits my heart.  ‘Eight more hours,” I tell myself.  The countdown to freedom begins.  Assessing the tasks not yet completed by the manager on duty, I see my day unfold in a chronological breakdown of tedious job functions that I loath to the point of near contempt.

A customer then enters the restaurant.  They are tired and worn out; in need of a pick-me-up and attention they come to rely on.  I give a smile and nod.  “How’s your day?” I ask with sincerity.  The usual breakdown of their mundane world unfolds in a short conversation I realize I can turn around into something brighter.  Then, it hits me.  As a person who lives to serve, I heat him up a pastry and create a beverage that will carry him through the rest of his day with a smile on his face.

God put this person in front of me to show him His grace.  All my silly problems and laziness dissipate as He beacons me to be the light of His house.  He woke me today to spread His love and show His understanding while I live by integrity and passion to do His will.  “How else can I help?” I wonder.  Like a revved up engine within me, I look for the next soul He will present to me that I may uplift with His hands.

He whispers in my ear that I am not awake, nor alive, to do my own daily chores.  If that were the case, they would probably not get done.  He causes me to rise in the morning to serve His will.  It makes me question myself suddenly, “Have I done enough today to show the love and grace of God?”

Each and every day is an opportunity.  Every waking moment is His gift for us to spread our arms and take in the broken-hearted.  He filled us with compassion to allow the overflow to spill out to those around us.  An interaction with a stranger is an opportunity for us to present and witness to them the love of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  Jesus was not selfish as a man.  He would probably not hit the snooze bar.  I could see Christ jumping out of bed with the first chirp of the digital beep, excited to be involved in changing and uplifting the world around Him by being the hand of God.

I am grateful He has put me in a position and situation in which I can be that hand on so many levels.  He gives me the opportunity to extend His arms and comfort the masses in need as they stumble up to my counter with hollow hearts.  I wear my cross and show them why.  My day to day troubles pass as I reach out to those in need.

All glory to God as He awakens me to a new day and grants me the opportunity to shine as a pearl in the oyster of His grace.  I thank you Lord Jesus for your sacrifice and setting of the stage of honor, dignity, integrity, and humility.  Amen!

James 1:2, Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity of joy.

But, Truth be Told…

1 Kings 22:16, “How many times must I make you swear to tell me nothing but the truth in the name of the Lord?”

I once lived a great life as a man name Tyler.  As a trust fund kid in Vegas, I had anything at my disposal, especially people.  My voice was usually mixed with indescribable accent and twang, slurred with weary travels and too much drink.  I had stories from countries I never visited and tales of days I had not seen.  As I writer, I was my most developed character.  Time lines were created and delivered with such precision, that I nearly believed them.  An actor to my own sad stage, the curtain seemed to never go down.

When I wake up one morning and realized that I erased myself out of existence, it’s was pretty sad day all around.  It was hard to enjoy a sunrise with a hangover, but even harder when I had to look at my drivers license to remember my own name.

I decided to take back my identity to discover who I really was and wanted to be.  This fork in the road was kind of a blessing that many people don’t get to experience in their 20’s.  I had a friend tell me to draw myself, close my eyes and picture the man I would become in five years.  Next, he wanted me to write down every mannerism, characteristic, and attribute this man would cherish and posses.  Am I the man I created that day?  I think I’m close…

Taking back myself, I have to realize the person God created me to be; a person of truth, dignity, and integrity.  I can’t  live as Christ did or would want me to live if I continue dancing for the masses on a stage I set lights and check sound for.  I discovered that I must develop and nurture the person inside, the person He created from dirt and rib; the apple of His eye.

But the truth is, I am a child of God. I’m just a Starbucks manager who comes home to a beautiful wife and writes a blog as she knits baby beanies for the child she grows in her belly, the child He blessed us with.  He gave me a great life with a humble existence that I can tell you without a shred of a lie, is miraculous.  It’s amazing to me that I can look into Aimee’s eyes and tell her that I felt like drinking or smoking today.  Being completely honest has delivered me from myself; a grace that only He can bless one with.  I’m grateful for every passing minute, and that is the truth!

Proverbs 12:19, Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

My Joy and Happiness

Luke 12:32, “So don’t be afraid, little flock.  For it gives the Father great happiness to give you the kingdom.”

I am overjoyed with all the Lord has given me in my life.  All good things come from the Father and my life is abundant and overflowing with His greatness.  The love in my heart that stretches to the smile on my face and glow in my eyes could only be a gift that keeps me praising His Holy name.

In the past I tried to create my own happiness.  I’m so grateful to have failed so miserably that I could have crashed and burned so hard.  Like the phoenix, He made me new.  Jesus pulled me from the ashes to live again.  Now, everything I have is a gift from Him.  And what a new world my eyes can see.  The colors are brighter, the food is more filling, the air is cleaner, and love is everywhere.  For God is love and only could He create such happiness!  Amen!

2 Corinthians 13:13, May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

A Thanks to Grace

Philippians 2:13, For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him.

I can not give thanks enough to everyone who has struggled to teach and help me along my path.  Through blood, sweat, and tears friends and family have guided me to the point I’m at, and am finally supposed to be.  A good friend once told me that we are spiritual beings here for a human experience.  Finally tonight do those words give clarity, as I mentally catalog  the efforts of my loved ones.

My spiritual being has been nurtured with human hands filled with the love and grace of our Lord, Jesus.  I’m so grateful for the people He has placed in my life to help me understand His ways.  It’s so clear to me now that we can’t sit back and wait for God to do FOR us.  He will give us the spark in our soul that tells us to grasp our destiny and run with it.  He will squash our fear and allow us the strength to wrestle our demons.  Always at my side, in my heart, and guiding my hand, the Lord is omnipresent.  Through good times and bad, His love is there to support me.  Whether it’s through the words of my mother, the embrace of my wife, or compassion of my brother, He is always there.  Christ works through us and with us.

I pray that I may be His hands as He works through me.  I am yours, serving You in Your will and giving thanks for Your ways.  Amen!

Eyes Wide

I’m taking my first breath,
Alive and finally awake.
Heart pumping fresh blood,
And it’s all for Your sake.

The day light tightens my retina,
It’s finally shinning through,
My eyes now fixed on living,
My soul now filled with You.

When the guilt was too high,
For my eyes to see the sky,
Your hand cleared the fog,
To show my mind why.

We are here in this place,
Fueled by Your grace,
To love our neighbor,
and nurture ourselves.

A carpenter of life,
You’re a true craftsman of the Divine,
And solely by your hand,
May my life finally shine,

With the light of the Holy Spirit,
May I look all around,
With my eyes now wide open,
To witness the profound,
Hand of God giving me new sight.

Chad Phillippi