True to Thee

Matthew 5:45, In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too.

Rain pours down outside my bedroom window. It’s one O’clock on the dot and as I sit in the soft glow of the low lighting that surrounds me, I listen to the hum in the air. All is calm within and around me; I’m safe within my sanctuary of solace. The dismal storm that raps against my double pain window reminds me of times not too long ago- times of despair, walking the wet asphalt alone at night drunker than any ten men should be. But the rain tonight is cleansing as it pours down, unable to penetrate my domain. There is a storm outside my window, but tonight, I am dry, and I am not alone.

Staring at the coin my wife bought me when I hit six months of sobriety, I read the words beveled under my thumb, “To Thy Self, Be True”. As my life is not my own, but His, I feel that I must be true to myself, by being true to Him. I am no longer the man that walks the wet streets of downtown Portland after closing time, wandering and stumbling in search of somewhere to pass out. Dishonesty with myself told me that I was okay. Now, holding tight to the cold metal coin in my palm, how could I have ever thought that was “normal” behavior?

I’m in the eye of a new storm. One that has awakened my soul. The wind that howls around me penetrates every atom that I am made up of. That force is the Lord. Rain drenches my clothes and soaks my skin. That moisture is every tear I cried that Christ still holds in His hands, released upon me to remind me of where I’ve been. Coldness strikes my bones, allowing me to remember the warmth of His embrace. This is the cradle of His love. A truth is found in the eye of His hurricane. If I’m still, I can hear it. More than that, I can feel it calling to me, this truth. It says, “To Thy Self, Be True”.

In knowing you my Lord, let me find my true self. I praise you for weathering the storm with me. Your Holy Spirit reminds me tonight, that I am not alone. Amen!

Luke 22:28, For you have remained true to me in my time of trial.