It’s Hell in the Hallway

1 Corinthians 7:26, Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain just as you are.

Whenever a door shuts, another opens. I’ve always stressed the hell that lies in the hallway and have usually faltered in my fear. But, the next door that He opens has always been exactly what I needed or have been ready for. Whether I knew it or not, He has guided my ever-forward momentum. With knowledge of the past and faith in my future, I let go and surrender to Him.

The only thing I fear is God. May the darkness and troubles of the hallways shrink in His light that illuminates from my heart and encompasses my soul. I am His and He dwells within me. Through Christ, all things are possible, He who gives me strength… Amen!

Exodus 15:13, “With unfailing love you will lead this people whom you have ransomed. You will guide them in your strength to the place where your holiness dwells.”

By Definition, I Believe

By definition Christ is the Messiah, as foretold by the prophets of Hebrew Scriptures. Also meaning, an ideal type of humanity. Christ is: Advocate, Anointed One, Creator, God, Good Shepherd, Jehovah, Light of the world, Lord, Mediator, Messenger, Only Begotten Son, Redeemer, Savior, and the Son. The Messiah by definition, was sent to save the human race from the sin it inherited through the fall of Man. He is the Anointed one; an appellation given to Jesus, the Savior.

John 1:17, For the law was given through Moses: God’s unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ.

John 1:41, The fist thing Andrew did was to find his brother, Simon, and tell him, “We have found the Messiah!” (Which means the Christ).

John 4:25, “I know the Messiah will come- the one who is called Christ. When He comes, He will explain everything to us.”

Acts 10:36, I’m sure you have heard about the Good News for the people of Israel – that there is peace with God through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all.

Romans 1:4, And Jesus Christ, our Lord, was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised Him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 5:17-20, Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

By my definition, Christ is love. With my heart filled will love (Him), it guides me to His arms as I’m lead to believe.

Blessed Children are We

Luke 20:38, So He is the God of the living, not the dead. They are all alive to Him.

Researching birthing options with my wife, I’ve been learning a lot about the connection between mother and child, at the time of birth. There is a chemical and hormonal, not to mention the obvious physical bond, between mother and child as the baby travels down the birth canal and enters the world. That bond can be hindered and therefore lessened, by drugs like Pitocin, or by complications in delivery, requiring cesarean. Sometimes breastfeeding is difficult, due to the cut-off of this essential connection. Bottom line-apparently, natural is best.

I think of my connection with Christ as I move ever closer down the canal toward a new life in Him where I will be reborn into His arms. It’s always been interesting to me, those people who never accept the need for God. Alone on their death bed, as they gasp their last shallow breath, do they reach out for the hand of their creator?

One of my grandfathers recently passed into the kingdom of the Lord. I can write about this truth as fact, not because he was a Southern Baptist preacher, but because he knew Jesus personally. In my grandpa Jansen’s final days, he did not move, talk, or even open his eyes anymore. My tired kin laid at home, under hospice care, and waited for his body to finally free his soul. My dad tells me that he, at last, opened his eyes and took a deep breath. He gasped in awe of what his eyes were shown and simply said, “Wow!”, before he exhaled his last bit of oxygen. Flat-lining with a smile is the way I hope to pass through the tunnel of light into the loving arms of my Lord.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I hope and pray to live a clean, noble, humble, and natural life. God knows that I tried it my way. With constant prayer, being held responsible by my family, keeping good friends, reading the Word, and attending meetings and church regularly, I manifest innocence that encompasses my being. I want to pass naturally into the arms of my Father and be held to His bosom as He nurtures me at my newest point of true existence.

Mark 10:16, Then He took the children into His arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them.

Healed and Moved

Mark 7:37, For they were completely amazed. Again and again they said, “Everything He does is wonderful. He even heals those who are deaf and mute.”

When Jesus walked the earth, He gave the deaf the ability to hear and the blind, eyes to see. He cleansed the lepers, healed epilepsy, made the lame walk, and rose the dead. Even today, through the power of prayer and faith, Jesus touches those who call upon His name.

As a sober man who can see, smell, taste, walk, think clearly, reason, wonder, and dream, I ask myself: “What can He do in me?” With an able heart and willing mind, I invoke the creator of space, time, emotion, and love to move me. I pray that He do in me whatever and whenever He can; as much as possible. As the arms and legs of Christ, who dwells within me, I humbly ask Him to work miracles through my limbs for His purpose.

Mark 1:41, Moved with pity, Jesus touched him. “I want to,” he said. “Be healed!

Of My Own Free Will

James 1:25, But if you keep looking steadily into God’s perfect law- the law that sets you free- and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

When my alarm startled my slumber this morning, I chose to rise from my bed. My duty to my family and responsibility to my career set my body, and car, on autopilot. Tired and unmotivated, I chose to take each task in my day on with full force and unwavering dedication. After nine hours I left accomplished, yet ready for a much needed nap.

Returning home resets my internal clock to AM, as I feel the need to tidy the house while giving unconditional love and affection to the love of my life. When the fork in the road shows my cozy, comforting, and warm waiting bed on my left, and the loving arms of my partner and also chores on my right, I choose wisely. I enjoy a peaceful, well kept home.

Perhaps the military chants still echo in my mind: Service and duty, before self. Maybe my prayers for wisdom guide my hand throughout my day. This hasn’t always been the case, but I’m grateful for it now.

My delicate wife left for work tonight, and I chose to hit the gym. After running for a half-hour, my thoughts of drinking were surpassed by endorphins and fatigue. I chose to drive home for a shower and to eat some of her left-over soup.Wearing only a towel, with a steaming bowl of chicken- corn chowder, the realization hit me: ‘I’m made up of the choices I make; the choices He lets me make.’ Suddenly the air smelt cleaner and the soup tasted hardier.

Alive in the fact that I’m not a mindless drone, I take pride in the choices I’m making. I choose to uphold my duties, honor my wife, maintain my sobriety, give thanks to God for the food He created that nourishes my body, and the free will and choice to love Jesus.

The fact that He chose to die for me does not automatically mean that I have to accept and love Him. I choose to do that with my own free will. He gave me the heart that guides me. Christ allows my mind to wander. I choose to follow His path. Wandering passionately to the Messiah, I choose life.

James 2:12, So whenever you speak, or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that sets you free.

Boast His Glory

1 Corinthians 29-31, So that no one can ever boast in the presence of God. God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the one who made us acceptable to God. He made us pure and holy, and He gave Himself to purchase our freedom. As the Scripture says, “The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done.”

To say that I wouldn’t be alive today without the love and grace of Jesus is an understatement. I wouldn’t even exist without Him. I appreciate the air I breathe, give thanks for the food I eat, and praise the Father for allowing me the opportunity to be a daddy. All glory to God!

Jesus told us, and it’s written, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6. Without the painful sacrifice of love that Jesus burdened, I would be lost to a world of sin. Stumbling through alleyways and sleeping in the streets, I would never know the voice, the guidance, and the breathtaking grace of God Himself. Jesus gave me another chance. A chance to come back to the One who created us all, out of love. We broke the communication line that He originally fashioned for His satisfaction. Jesus came to reset the path to truth. I am alive and sober today because of His love. More than that, I am saved from death, because Christ gave me life!

Acts 15:11, We believe that we are saved the same way, by the special favor of the Lord Jesus.

Make Tomorrow, Today

Remembering back to when I first realized that I could not continue to live, if I continued to drink, the daily conversation drifts back to my mind, “I’ll quit tomorrow”. Of course tomorrow would come and once again tomorrow would seem like a much more plausible option for starting anew. “Today is Friday, I should really quit drinking on the weekend, when I’m away from work and my stresses,” I would manipulate myself into grabbing up an empty bar stool, one more night. The weekend would come and go. There were too many social events to quit, or one thing or another would keep me from following through with my commitment to change. “Maybe on Monday I’ll quit. Start my week off fresh and sober. I’ll be more focused at work, if I wait until Monday.” This went on for months. I’m lucky enough that God grew weary of the constant internal conversation I was having and decided to toss me down a ravine to snap me out of it. From there, there was no turning back.

Quitting smoking was and still is the hardest single thing I’ve ever attempted to do. At least I’m not alone. I have the support of my wife, family, friends, and even employees. Fear strikes my heart when I attempt to rationalize with myself, “Maybe I can smoke just one cigarette a day. Perhaps I can smoke when I’m at work, like 3 a day, and be okay.” Fear hits my heart because I’ve played this game with addiction before, and lost. Even though the challenge brings me to my best, I still allow space for my worst to linger in the back of my mind.

Push has come to shove and I stand now at the ridge of my own fate. A choice inside me must be made. When I entered into a sacred bond with my wife, I promised to honor her through good times and bad. I cannot say that smoking cigarettes brings any honor to our relationship. If it is breaking a vow that I made to her on the day I held her hand and promised God I would treasure our commitment forever, then may it be a burden I no longer hold space with.

I will not quit tomorrow, nor play that game within myself. I have already quit today, by the grace and strength of the Lord!

2 Corinthians 13:11, Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Rejoice. Change your ways. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of Love and peace will be with you.

The Root Cause

Ephesians 5:18, Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you.

With the ever worsening economy, we’ve been doing a lot of root cause analysis to determine how we can waste less, and save more, at work. My mind runs about 20 times faster than I can talk, so I began root causing my own life while I have been cutting costs during my shifts. Trying to get to the bottom line of why I used to drink, I used the “Why, Why, Why,” method. It played out (in my head) something like this:

I used to drink to get drunk. Why? So that I could relax. Why? Because I am a very anxious person. Why? Because I have social anxiety disorder. Ah, ha! There’s the why. See?

So, now that I’m medicated with 100 mg of Zoloft, why do I occasionally get triggered to drink alcohol? Because, like a kid needing an after school activity, I need distraction from my own mind in order to keep myself out of trouble. My wife works three over-night shifts a week, so in order to not drink I need a hobby. Welcome to, The Light of my Path.

Truth be told, I can not and do not stay sober by my own will and/or strength. God gives me the courage to drive straight home after a long day of work. He is my rock, my light, and my path. Christ is my program.

Romans 11:18, But you must be careful not to brag about being grafted in to replace the branches that were broken off. Remember, you are just a branch, not the root.

My Skin is not My Own

1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

My highly colorful and decorated skin, was bought and paid in full by the Lamb. My body is His temple, filled with the Holy Spirit. I forget myself at times though and revert back to the man who was owned by the bondage of an evil world. When my name was added to the Book of Life, I was bought and delivered to a world of freedom and grace. I am grateful to be a servant of the Lord, and even my many tattoos praise His Holy name!

I recently discovered, after a lot of trial and error, that I am allergic to wheat and dairy. Seeing it as God’s way of purifying my system, I quit eating sweets, fast-food, drinking alcohol (of course), and nearly everything in between. Surviving on nuts, cereal, fish, soup, soy protein, and rice pasta, I feel… pure; I feel hollow at times, but healthier than I ever have. Through trial and error, He has lead me to my best.

At my best, I am at my lowest point; as I believe all men are: on their knees, in prayer and fasting, praising the giver of body and soul. To this body He now owns and will make anew, may it serve Him through out the end of my days. May Your will be done in me, oh Lord. Amen!

Matthew 16:24-26, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul?

A Prideful Surrender

James 4:6, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

The Lord has been pressing the word pride into my mind for about a week or two now. Looking for topics to write on, I’ve been digging through scripture and other Christian based self-help books. I wait for an idea to rise from the ink or off the paper that ruffles under my dry fingertips. Situations in my day to day life give me pause and I ask myself, “Are you now being prideful by thinking someone owes you the same respect that you show them?” Is this the Lord raising the question within me?

What is pride? By definition, the deadly sin of pride is a feeling of self-respect and personal worth. Being prideful is when you dare to consider yourself of greater worth than another child of God. How can one boast of such a greatness? I’m guilty, and it shames me. I’ve gone so far as to pride myself on being humble. Now that’s true humility at work, wouldn’t you agree? Not by definition, that’s for sure.

What do I have that the Lord did not give me? Who am I that the Lord did not create? My possessions and my position are gifts from Him. The things I carry along with me: the ripe stench of pride, insecurity, doubt, fear, self-indulgence, and conceit, are all forms of dead weight I manifest. These things belong to the world and I release them, to leave them in this world. Because as a child of The Light, I am not of this world.

With a truly humble heart, I thank Christ for His lessons, His message, and His way. I am not proud, but grateful, to be His son and student.

1 John 2:16, For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world.